My life has been interesting and I had to work very, very hard to know myself, because let's face, to become a first rate version of yourself, you have to know yourself.
To some of us, this comes easy, but to others it is a journey - short or long - it is a journey for most.
My journey took me many places - dark ones and bad ones and somewhat dangerous ones, countries near and far and a rather interesting career path.
Unfortunately, it is not that you wake up one morning going "Holy shit, I know who I am now" and of course, as we continue to grow and get older, we continue to become that better, first rate version of ourselves, but there comes a time, where suddently things "fit". There are times where friends come to you for advice and you know they come to you for specific reasons. Whatever type of friend you are, whatever your role in the friendship is, you found that spot. You suddenly don't fuck about anymore with crappy dates or crappy behaviour, you get better at saying no, you get better at figuring out how to use your time. You don't feel like you need to apologize for spending your Sunday watching TLC or reading the Daily Mail, for just being lazy all weekend and spending it on the sofa, you own yourself and you own your decisions.
A lot of it has to do with figuring out your wants and needs. That requires you to know yourself a bit first and once you have figured out your wants and needs, things just make more sense - at work, in life, in relationships.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have the solution here. I still get it wrong. But I think I am mindful of all of those areas in my life. You cannot give 100% attention to all areas of your life and some areas are more important than others, but over time, things have to balance out.
So here I am. Being myself, still learning about myself, still growing, still wanting to be a better person.
This week a friend and a reader of my first blog paid me the most wonderful compliment. I am just going to copy/paste that into this post, so I can look at it and remember it.
"I also have to thank you for sharing your experiences via your blog
Because you really helped me and others realize that we can be women who need love an sex and to figure out where and how that factors in our life.
You were/are a real inspiration - I hope you realize that."
Holy wow. That's wonderful. I know that I have been helpful to some people and friends and it fullfills me immensely to know Partially through my own journey and partially because I firmly believe in sharing my story. People are astonished when I tell them where I was at 20 or 21 years old, but I also think it shows them that anything is possible and that is inspiring.
Be you. Embrace your past and pay it forward.