I miss it deeply.
Many days I feel that I am watching my friends lives evolve, I follow them on Facebook or Instagram and they continue to deepen relationships and grow and expand in their life and community and I feel I have nothing like that.
I have my love and my dogs and that's pretty much it. I do have one good friend here and a few aquaintances who are lovely, but I don't feel a sense of community and that's been incredibly hard for me.
And it makes me feel lost sometimes.
Is that an age thing? I wonder.
Maybe it is.
I don't have children, so my focus is squarely on my families and friends and dogs and without my friends, who are a huge part of my life, it becomes a difficult existence.
It doesn't help that we live in a small town, when I would much rather live in a big city, but there are good reasons for it and our living conditions are fantastic. Our house is pretty lovely and awesome (super old, historically protected), we are in the middle of town and the dogs love it and like I said, there are other good reasons to be here.
But yes. It makes it harder to build community when you live in a place you probably wouldn't have chose otherwise. Now add to that my insane commute that takes me out of the house at 5:10 in the morning (ok ok, because I go to the gym) but even if the pencil falls out of my hand at the official end of my work day, I am still often not home before 7:15. So yeah, when and how and where would you do anything else.
Then add to it that this move it temporary and then it gets even tougher to have that sort of community I have at home and I crave.
I can't wait to be with them in a few weeks time. That should help me and make me feel better for a few months until I go again in November.