I was walking home and suddenly had this thought about forgiveness and I came to a very simple understanding with myself.
When people ask for forgiveness (and no, no one has asked other than some half ass "I am sorry I hurt you" bullshit and I can't really go into detail, but I know this to not be sincere).
I digress, when people ask for forgiveness, I do think it not for us to grant. People have to live with their actions, they have to be able to look in the mirror and face themselves, so I think when people come to you because they did something awful to you and ask for your forgiveness, it has nothing to do with you, it is all about them. They are hoping that something inside them gets fixed or freed by receiving some type of verbal forgiveness.
There is no such thing.
I, you, we don't have that power. We cannot grant anyone forgiveness.
I can get up every day and look in the mirror and know I have lived my life and my relationship with integrity and honesty. I gave it all I had, and I was played. I was played really, really hard. I was fucked over, I was betrayed, deceived and lied to for many months on end. In the meantime, I was living a life of integrity and I am really proud of that.
I loved until the second I realized what had been thrown at me and I loved with a full heart.
I cannot grant forgiveness. That is not something in me nor do I feel the need to.
So that was my thought on forgiveness. That forgiveness is not really about the person that is being asked to forgive.
It is about the person who did wrong and their inability to forgive themselves and they have to figure that out all on their own.
Let's call this deep thought Wednesday :)