I was walking to work from the gym this morning and I thought to myself, as I walked by an outdoor cafe full of people....what do they see? Now, in a perfect world, I wouldn't give a shit and I have days where I am incredibly on the not giving a shit scale, but I just spend an hour in front of full length body mirrors lifting weights and comparing myself to where I was last year at this time, leaner and slimmer (unfortunately not in the most healthy manner).
So what do they see? They probably just see some woman in her late 30s going to work. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe the real question is what do I want them to see and why do I even ask that question. For validation? Do I really need validation? I suppose I do. There are a lot of instagram selfies and pictures and I love hearing people tell me "that looks great on you". There is a huge part that does it because I love fashion and clothes and I love some of the things I put together and hey, I don't have any girlfriends here and I work with men all day, so it's nice to share on social media and get 99% of the time girlfriends say "CUTE". But there I still an underlying issue probably. I am still working on my insecurities. I think I have grown leaps and bounds in the past year. I am actually impressed with myself.
So really. What do I want them to see. A woman in her late 30s, walking to work, who is strong, in shape for her body type, attractive, dresses well. That's probably at the core of what I want them to see. Other attributes like KICK ASS intelligence and all doesn't apply in this case.
My shape has been a struggle though this year. I won't lie. I have had a hell of a time trying to find some type of good gym routine. A lot has to do with my longer commute and longer work day and just being tired. I also had a long period, months and months, where I slept absolutely awful, which made getting up at 5 am to go to the gym pre-work very difficult. But since I have finally gone home and seen my friends, I feel a bit calmer and more settled.
Today was my third day at the gym and I am back doing my very awesome weight training schedule. I can't even describe how SORE I am. It feels great, even if I look like an old lady when I start walking. Holy ouch! I need to get a couple of more workout in this weekend, so I will do something on Saturday and Sunday and voila, 5x during this week.
I am committing to going at a minimum 3x per week to the gym for the next month. I am hoping that my sleep will continue to do a bit better and that I will be able to do it. My body needs it. I feel a lot softer and I can see that I AM a lot softer and weaker than what I was and I would like to regain some of that strength back. :)
Goal: 3x per week to the gym between now and mid-June at a minimum. Focus on strength workout with less cardio. Minimum of 1x weekend workout.